Uni-Blues

Forty students in a class can only mean chaos. Forty ugly students in a class is agony. But forty agonisingly ugly students being taught by a comparatively more ugly teacher is sheer torture.

Alright, so maybe I can sit and reflect upon the lovely colours and designs that each student is wearing. All of us have our ID cards hanging around our necks like a hangman’s noose. And everyone is dressed almost the same – the boys wear the same shirts and trousers and the girls… well they try. But then again there’s nothing remotely attractive about any of them. The girls in my class suck more than vacuum cleaners. Whoever said that girls mature faster than boys, apparently never stepped in my class. And as luck would have it, the classes I am in have the worst people. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this?

So I try to focus on the air ducts in the ceiling, hoping for some activity. But suddenly the thought of one of them crashing on my head is enough to make me avert my eyes down to the dusty floor. You see the ducts are supposed to be covered by a second layer over the ceiling but we hear they ran out of funds. Apparently the Dean had to buy a new pair of shoes for Junior.

 At least they could have gotten something less gaudy.

Anyway, the windows too offer no soluton because one can’t open them otherwise I’m sure some of us would quite happily jump out during our ‘killer’ lectures. Because the state of the windows is such that if you touch them they might fall off, either killing someone lucky enough to be walking outside at that very moment or get fined for breaking school property which would easily get Junior a few new pairs of shoes. I’m sure its all a conspiracy – if the lectures don’t kill you the school will, somehow.

Typically, every class  has different groups of students. But my class is really something else, for I have never in my entire educational life experienced such a diverse crowd. I usually tend to categorise people by their appearances but instead of the typical  “the good, the bad and the ugly” I have my own criteria. There is “the fat, the ugly and the fat and ugly“.  And this criteria worked perfectly fine until one fine day I realised that in this class I needed to add a new category – “the dumb and the dumber”.

But it’s not just the students – the teachers are crazy too. Don’t know what they eat before coming to class. They run this school like a bloody prison, I can’t really imagine prison being worse.  There are a few teachers, two to be exact that are okay and have maintained some semblance of sanity. This one guy thinks he is the Pakistani Freud and tends to launch into his “Penis Envy” theory. Of course the teacher didn’t actually say the word but he was pointing at it. But I suppose when one has to be in school without having to attend classes as a student, one does tend to lose their mind.

And who knew jealousy existed within faculty as well? It’s so funny when the students pay more attention to one particular teacher, the other teachers get jealous and crack subtle jokes about them which, according to them, we “don’t” get and that leaves me wondering why they even bother. If only the admin could arrange cage fights between teachers, I’d pay good money to watch that. Hell I’ll even bring the cage!

Umm… you do realise they’re not going to fit?

I hate the fact that most of my jokes go wasted. During a presentation, this guy pronounced “Johnsville” (a fake place in some case study) as “John’s willy“. Of course I wasn’t listening to the presentation but I looked around to find a friend with whom I could share a giggle over John‘s willy.  Everyone was blank. So I did what any normal person in this class would do – sit back and play games on my phone, which is a great stress buster and gets you through classes.

And I hate the fact that people don’t take me seriously. For example, I tried putting up this argument with one of the teachers (who has a sense of humour) to put an end to the examination system as it is harmful to the environment. How so? Easy, we do waste a lot of sheets while trying to impress the teachers, so where do sheets come from? Exactly, more paper means less trees. But he just laughed and didn’t realise that I was serious.

Pictured: One more fuck than I could give about this place.

“The best time of your life”, they all told me. University? Not for me.

Sameer Javed spends  most of his time trying to control his homicidal impulses, despite plenty of stimulus from his environment.

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Categories: The World I Know

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3 Comments on “Uni-Blues”

  1. Alliya
    July 12, 2011 at 5:58 am #

    great article!!

  2. faisel m
    July 8, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    “The girls in my class suck more than vacuum cleaners”

    Dood with girls like that, I fail to understand what the problem is?????

  3. Dogstarr
    July 8, 2011 at 1:59 am #

    dont know what uni u go to but i can relate bro! great article

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