Top 5 woes of pregnancy

When I became pregnant with my first (and hopefully only) child, I was the recipient of lots of well wishes and advice from friends and family alike. I was told that pregnancy would be a breeze and all I needed to do was eat as much as possible and to take lots of rest. Well! If only it was that simple…

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# 5- The hormones

Yes pregnancy is a wonderful time when one glows with happiness (it’s the hormones actually) and you’re able to eat all to your heart’s content and beyond. But nobody ever tells you what your hormones do to you mentally. One can swing from being deliriously happy to stark raving mad within an hour. It’s like waddling around like a brontosaurus with the attitude of a T-rex.

Is that… cho… chocolate ice cream? With olives??

Another weird development is strange cravings. Normal food tastes awful and weird cravings like chocolate ice cream with olives ensure that you cannot actually go into a restaurant and ask for what your heart desires (so there goes the social life). Suddenly you find yourself making friends with other pregnant women and all  non-pregnant people are viewed as the enemy as they fail to understand what goes through a pregnant woman’s mind.

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# 4 – The lack of sleep

There is nothing cuddly about a baby bump when you find yourself being woken up at 4am after finally managing to find a comfortable position at 2am. And you’re not woken up by a loving partner who wants to cuddle in the middle of the night nor a caring mother anxiously checking up on you. In fact you find that there’s a little footballer inside of you who decides to kick you for fun. Suddenly why the bump is described “as round as a football” makes sense! And for those who know me will remember how I once scribbled the infamous words on a note of mine on face book “There is nothing more comforting than sleep or chocolate”. Having been deprived of both during my pregnancy (as sleep became a dream and chocolate tasted like crap) plus the hormonal changes as noted above, imagine what nine looong months of sheer discomfort did to me. It’s a miracle my marriage is still intact – somewhat barely…

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# 3 – The swelling

Let us face it – living in this modern digital age one cant live without a laptop, mobile and various other electronics. However! When you have hands that have ballooned to the point where you can stick one under your bum as a cushion, there’s not much you can do. So the Blackberry may blink non stop but guess what?!? Your fingers are too big to press the correct, or any, button. The laptop remains switched off because you can’t do much on it since emails and messages can’t be sent. Your trusty ipod remains in your bag uncharged because you can never play the song you want to hear. So what do you do? You try reading a book except that holding a book requires… NORMAL sized hands.

Those rings will never come off.

And its not just your hands – its your feet and ankles as well. Suddenly those comfortable shoes become so tight and your socks just about fit onto your big, swollen toe. Matters arent made any easier when you’re told to walk as much as possible as it helps during labour. At that point the swollen hands and feet may be useful in packing a few kicks and punches but alas alack! When your entire body is round and swollen one’s movements are slower than a sloth’s.

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# 2 – Stretchmarks

I admit – I was one of those people who read almost every book, article, note about pregnancy the minute I found out I was expecting. A lot of it had to with the fact it was my first child and I had no clue of what to expect. But one line stuck with me. It was in a chapter about stretch marks and it stated that they were not to be viewed as scars but as a fond reminder of the wonderful time when you were carrying your child inside of you. Fond? Wonderful?  Sure I can dig that. But for me those sentiments came to an end when my midwife looked at mine and said “Good Lord! Yours are the worst stretchmarks I’ve seen and I’ve been in this business for the past twenty years”. Oh Christ! Right at that moment skirts, bikinis, lingerie, cropped t shirts, saris, low slung jeans ceased to exist for me. The only thing you want to wrap yourself in during and post pregnancy are long johns.

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# 1 – “Ooh can I touch your  bump?”

So you’ve been invited on a night out by a kind friend who wants to ensure you forget all your aches and pains and just have a good time. It’s a swanky venue and there are beautiful people everywhere. You decide to ditch the frumpy look and splash out on a fab new outfit which covers all your swelling and in fact flatters the baby bump. The brand new pair of shoes you’ve bought are comfortable and stylish. Drinking is out of the question so you decide to go for a virgin cocktail. The music is causing you to bob your head and sway gently. All this time you’re trying to ignore the heartburn and throbbing back pain that are threatening to cut your evening short by focusing on the fun and trying to keep up with conversation when someone will scream “ooh can I touch your bump?” and suddenly reality hits (or kicks more like!).

Pictured: the inside of a womb.

The cocktail tastes awful, you’d prefer to be in your pyjamas, the already swollen feet have swelled up even more, the music is bringing on a severe headache and junior has decided its time to play football. Next thing you know everyone is focusing on the baby bump and that’s the end of your night out.

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Categories: The World I Know

Author:Mehr F Husain

Mehr F Husain was Features Editor of The Friday Times. She lives out of a suitcase.

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2 Comments on “Top 5 woes of pregnancy”

  1. rumi
    July 15, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    hahaha…very true

  2. Najaf
    July 15, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    hehehhehehhe! funny

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