5 Pakistani world records to put the rest of us to shame

We all think we’re better than we actually are. Let’s face it, lifetimes of our mothers telling us so and inspirational movie montages has ensured a generation that believes it can achieve the impossible, without realising how much hard work, endurance and balls out crazy is sometimes required to make it to the top. So here is our list of the top 5 world records held by Pakistani’s that shall shame your ‘burping the alphabet’ record back into the recesses of ignominy that it rightly belongs.

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# 5 – World’s tallest cake

Back in the good old days of the 90’s we were introduced to Pakistan’s first private television channel, NTM. They ushered in a new age for Pakistani TV and introduced us to a number of budding celebrities. Though I still remember it most fondly for the 7 pm cartoons. Not satisfied with having redefined TV entertainment in the country, on the 16th of August, 1997 they created a cake measuring… (drum roll)… a staggering 32 meters / 105 feet tall! For comparison bear in mind that Godzilla is listed to be 167 feet. So this cake would probably eat you, instead of the other way round. Now we can only assume the conversation that the execs at NTM must have had prior to launching upon this gruelling task of tiered frostiness. But it must have involved lots of heroin and post high munchies.

But what a party that must have been! Amiright??

But wait Mr. Know-it-all, here’s one time I totally did the same thing:

You dedicated yourself to the building of the world’s tallest stack of coke cans. It took you all night, but boy was that an achievement!

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# 4 – Fastest bowl of a cricket ball

This one’s a no brainer. We all know who did it. And though the Pakistani Cricket Board and media have often vilified him, he is and shall remain one of the greats of Pakistani cricket. In a World Cup match in Cape Town, on the 22nd of February, 2003 Shoaib Akhtar bowled a pants’ soiling 161.3 km/h, just above 100 mph. In essence, with the laws of physics held in check, that delivery could make it from Islamabad to Lahore faster than you could in your million rupee sedan. Perhaps that’s why he’s called the Rawalpindi Express?

I can make no derogatory statements about that man.

But wait Mr. Know-it-all, here’s one time I totally did the same thing:

You had to pee so bad that you managed a 30 km drive back home in just under 10 minutes. Absolutely the same thing!

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# 3 – Most people crammed into a smart car

This one might seem a bit supercilious, and a lot of you may be wondering why it deserves to be above the previous entry. Sure it’s a bit silly and pointless to the point of insanity. But here’s what happened, a group in Karachi called ‘Pakistan Crashers’ (of all things), decided they would take 19 women… and stuff them into a smart car.

Now just for some perspective a smart car on average is about 8 feet in length and 5 in width. Now 19 women crammed into it, no matter how dainty and frail, implies 10 in the back and 9 in the front, given the space the steering and all would take up. This entry makes it to number 3 solely for scoring a chart topping high on the insane-o meter.

But wait Mr. Know-it-all, here’s one time I totally did the same thing:

You piled 8 people into a Mehran with the words ‘Danger Eyes’ pasted onto the rear windscreen and made rounds of Jinnah / Liberty / Whatever place Karachi-ites go to, and harassed at least a dozen girls!

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# 2 – World’s longest individual innings

For those of you who don’t know of Hanif Muhammad… why the fuck not? Known as the Little Master he is arguably the greatest batsman we’ve ever produced and one of the finest the game has ever seen. He was amongst the inaugural batch of cricketers inducted into the ICC’s Hall of Fame and his first class innings score of 499 held for 35 years before another great by the name of Brian Lara eclipsed him in 1994.

Does… does that guy have a wedgie?

But what earns him his place in this most esteemed and sought after list is his gruelling 16 hour and 10 minute stand, for 337 runs, against a fiery West Indian pace attack in 1958. Enabling Pakistan to salvage a lost Test Match against the best side of its time, despite the pundits having written us off.

But wait Mr. Know-it-all, here’s one time I totally did the same thing:

When you played Medal of Honour (MOHA) for 21 hours straight, while peeing in an empty Coke can and racking up a hefty 15,000 kills. Score!

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# 1 – Heaviest weight lifted with ear

Pitting man’s own strength against the elements and forcing the boundaries of our frail frames has long been part of our collective history as a species. We’ve had people pull planes, lift cars and tear entire telephone directories (those were things ancient humans had before facebook).

But there was one man, who looked down upon these mortals and their puny efforts and sneered with disdain. So he descended from Mount Olympus and went about showing us how it’s done.

Enter: Zafar Gill. In Lahore on the 3rd of January, 2009, Zafar Gill lifted 73 fucking kilograms in gym weights attached to his ear by a clamp. And you women complain about those dangly earrings!!

Hmm… doesn’t really go with that eye shadow.

But you know what the best part is? This is the third time this record has been broken… by the same man! He should have Dumbo ears by now but for some reason even with those I don’t think anyone would want to laugh at him. You can watch the video for one of his earlier attempts here.

Though why he’s warming up his back and arms before he starts is a mystery. Shouldn’t he be stretching out well… his ear?

But wait Mr. Know-it-all, here’s one time I totally did the same thing:

No. No you didn’t.

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Categories: Sports & Fitness

Author:Ali Raza

"Is this the kind of person you want protecting the galaxy?"

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4 Comments on “5 Pakistani world records to put the rest of us to shame”

  1. talha
    June 21, 2015 at 10:46 am #

    grat

  2. August 13, 2011 at 1:37 am #

    Hilarious…

  3. azmat
    August 12, 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    hahaha !!! maybe if they let their powers combined !!and a pakistani captain planet would appear

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pakistan has held at least five world records. Can you guess which? | Haroon K. Ullah - January 22, 2014

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