6 most inglorious moments in Pakistani cricket

Cricket: although not our national sport, Pakistanis as a people have devoted far greater time glued to their television sets than they have to say lesser important pursuits such as the development of schools and hospitals. As long as we can watch our boys shouldering the collective pride of our nation, who cares if they grow up illiterate with herpes? And it is in this grand tradition that we have provided the cricketing world with many a feat of player prowess, such as the reverse swing, introduced by Imran Khan. Consequently there have also been other… not so glorious moments. The moments that make us tear our hair out as we sob hysterically and burn effigies of those darn players!

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# 6 – Lowest ODI score

There are certain records you just don’t want. But unfortunately we have a ton of them. And we held this one for eight years, until Zimbabwe decided to take it back from us.

In February of 1993, Pakistan took on a strong West Indian unit. And though they’d carted us around in the past, we had more often than not returned the favour. But this time, our notoriously fragile batting line up splintered and broke like the integrity of a modern day politician.

It was unfathomable what they did to us, all out at 43, 10 of which were extras, I might add. And though we fought back, I remember the legendary Waqar Younis removing Desmond Haynes with his patented LBW off the first ball of the innings. But it was futile, even though we managed 3 wickets the result was a foregone conclusion. And for the next eight years the spectre of that hammering would wake us from our nightly slumber, fitfully.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find a video of that match, but you can have a look at the scorecard here.

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# 5 – Miandad’s pre-tour bravado

‘‘Your Irfan Pathans are in every galli and mohalla of Pakistan — we don’t even bother to look at them.’’ – Javed Miandad.

India / Pakistan relations were at an all time low. Neither side had played each other on home soil for a while. And when suddenly things got better, India were scheduled to come and play us on our turf in 2004. Finally!!! The nation roared collectively.

Both sides looked great and it was destined to be a close contest. Which it was. Every match was a nail biter, fought down to the wire. The ODI series especially was one of the most thrilling that I can recall.

And it’s not so much that we lost, it’s Miandad’s big talk pre-tour that lays this garland of reeking humiliation around our national neck. Because as fate would have it, Irfan Pathan was the difference between the two teams, taking 8 wickets in 3 matches at a paltry 17.87 a scalp. Here he is in the fifth and deciding one day match in Lahore, running through our top order.

That dude was near unplayable. The amount of swing he was generating was something I hadn’t seen since Imran Khan. Maybe it was fate. Or maybe, just maybe, Miandad’s words were what it took to kick Irfan Pathan into overdrive and hand us our first Series loss to India, on home soil, in 20 years.

Well played Miandad, how’d you like them apples?

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# 4 – Inzamam run out by Jonty Rhodes

Inzi, as he’s affectionately called should rather be called Inza. The name Inzi tends to imply a dainty, tip toes walking Barbie doll. And our mango loving Multani is anything but. Inzamam’s girth and sluggish motions have been the butt of most cricketing jokes for a while. And after sometime we kind of got used to it and took it in our stride, like a corn on your foot you refuse to have operated.

He’s got the highest run outs in cricket, because c’mon we all know the Brontosaurus wasn’t the fastest of dinosaurs, but even it could probably outrun ol’ Inzi. So yeah, we got used to seeing Inzi getting himself, or someone else, run out. But take a look at this.

So Jonty Rhodes, the greatest fielder of all time, has enough time to take aim and run out Inzamam, as he would with any other batsman. But he decides, hold on, this is Inzi… I don’t want to throw and leave it to chance, I’ll just outrun the bugger. And that’s exactly what he did.

It’s just plain humiliating is what I’m saying.

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# 3 – Afridi scruffs up the pitch

Something strange happened in the last couple of years. The biggest under achiever of all time, the one the media and the masses heaped untold criticism on, suddenly, became everyone’s darling. Don’t ask me why, I’m still perplexed about that one.

He’s done and said some pretty stupid stuff in his career, off and on the field. But this one time it was so blatant and so downright base that it shamed us as a people. A gas tank went off outside the stadium in Peshawar, and because Pakistan is famous for its chicken karahi everyone decided to stop the game and have a bite to eat. Afridi in the meantime had a sly look around and once reassured no one was looking, scruffed up the pitch a bit… actually a helluva lot. You can see the little twist he does for yourself.

What did he forget about a little something called cameras? Did he honestly think no one would notice? Or did he just not care? Either ways, it’s unsportsmanlike and well… its fucking cheating is what it is.

And what’s worse, when confronted by Peterson he denies it! Until he’s told he was caught on camera and Peterson mockingly imitates what was done. For shame Afridi, for shame.

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# 2 – News of the World bust

Just for the record I never did like Salman Butt, he was useless. But Asif Mohammed, despite his antics was a great bowler. And Mohammed Amir had the potential to be ranked right up there with the likes of Wasim and Waqar.

We watched in shame, as our team reeled from one problem after another, until last year the afore mentioned trio was busted by the now defunct News of the World. Sure the matter is still being ‘investigated’, but let’s be real, they did it. We know it, they know it, the world knows it. Watch with the confidence Mazhar Majeed tells the undercover reporter what balls will be no-balls. And sure enough, like clockwork our Cheating Chaudhry’s comply.

And Amir, probably cause he was still learning the ropes, over stepped by an enormous margin. But then follows it up with an Oscar worthy performance of ‘Oh those darn wet patches messed with my run up.’  Jackass. Sure a lot of players have been implicated for cheating in the past, like Warne, Cronje… but it doesn’t make what these guys did any easier to swallow. And seeing as to how, of late, Pakistan is everyone’s favourite black sheep – this was the proverbial icing on the cake. Thanks a lot guys, you’ve done you’re country a wonderful service.

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# 1 – Amir Sohail Vs Prasad

It’s been fifteen years and I still cannot, for the life of me, get this one image out of my head. India and Pakistan matches, as anyone who has a functioning brain can attest to, are rarely just matches. Sure our respective countries may pretend to play nice and friend each other on facebook every now and again… but the fact remains we’re rivals (though not necessarily enemies) to the end!

An India / Pakistan match is a war without the killing. It doesn’t matter if we lose the World Cup, so long as we beat the other. That in itself is all the victory either side really needs. And a loss… well let’s just say it doesn’t go down too well.

We lay our scene: The quarter finals of the World Cup, we’re facing India in Bangalore. The first innings India posts a solid 287, a formidable target by the standards of the time. But Saeed Anwar and Amir Sohail have other plans.

They’re carting the Indian bowlers all over the field. And though Saeed Anwar falls it’s primarily Amir Sohail doing the damage. And he’s still there. Pakistani’s dance in the streets as we prematurely scent a victory. The Indian people mope around collectively, unwillingly to accept the treatment being meted out to their bowlers.

Amir Sohail plays and misses. Prasad comes back for another delivery and Amir dances down the pitch savagely hitting him away for a four. Following that up with some suggestive pointing in the direction of the shot, letting Prasad know he’s going to be slapped around all day if he bowls that line. At this point the Pakistani’s let out a collective roar of approval, ‘Hell yeah!’ as we pound our chest.

And the very next bowl… *sniff*….

I’ll let you see it for yourself.

Breaks my heart.

If this was prison, Prasad just made Amir Sohail his bitch.

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Categories: Sports & Fitness

Author:Ali Raza

"Is this the kind of person you want protecting the galaxy?"

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7 Comments on “6 most inglorious moments in Pakistani cricket”

  1. Alliya
    September 11, 2011 at 5:41 am #

    honestly the pakistani team needs to pull up its socks, get its act together & play like a team. our players can be brilliant at times and utter idiots at times. and people like our friend below need to STOP justifying our many poor and dismal performances by getting all “we-love-pakistan-and-dont-criticise-anything-we-do-otherwise-be-booted-off-to-india” on us!! Right on Samia and Rumina! LOL at the below comment. Joh kehta hai wohee STOPID hota hai!! 😀

  2. waqas
    September 10, 2011 at 11:39 pm #

    just i am not bad tamiz to girls. larkay hotay to batata. agar itna hi pakistan bura hai to chaly jao. tme na zaya karo maira

  3. rumi
    September 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    man, simply brilliant article…except for those of us suffering from the ostrich syndrome of course 😀

  4. Fiza Waheed
    September 9, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    Man.. brings back some memories! Scary ones, but still. Good article:)

  5. Samia
    September 9, 2011 at 4:18 am #

    well done!

  6. Samia
    September 9, 2011 at 4:09 am #

    brilliant article, telling it like it is. Pakistani team players are a talented bunch but extremely disorganized and full of themselves!! dont pay attention to the very eloquent comment below. the problem with us is we never recognize our own flaws and drawbacks! STOPID!!!

  7. waqas
    September 9, 2011 at 1:22 am #

    u stopid dnt make fun of PAKISTAN v r best in world go live in hindostan

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