5 tell-tale signs that you’re too old for this shit

There comes a point in everyone’s life that you realise, ‘Hold on, I’m not young and hip anymore. I can’t relate to the prevalent pop culture! AARGGHH!!’

Alright, let’s just dive into it. Here are 5 signs, that in the immortal words of Murtaugh let you know that ‘You’re too old for this shit.’

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# 5 – Hotel California… who gives a *@&^!?

We’ve all been there, and not just with Hotel California, but with any number of songs. Trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind what the crooner’s…. well crooning. You spend countless hours trying to figure it out, attaching meaning to every word, every intonation… coupling it with any number of philosophical ponderings. (Primarily to be able to put on your best ‘learned voice’ and try to show the fairer sex how intellectually stimulating you can be).

That’s what happens when movies babysit you.

And then one day, you hear that song on the radio after what seems like decades… only to not really give a damn about what it means. Who cares whether Hotel California may be a loosely veiled allusion to purgatory? Or even a commentary on the decadence around us? All that matters is that the dude’s voice sounds good and stays in tune.

And while we’re on music… Lady Gaga people? Really? And trash like Linkin Park? They’re just loud and obnoxious and… I suddenly remembered a line from the movie Airheads, ‘If it’s too loud; you’re too old.’

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# 4 – Scalp ’em

You finally realise what your parents had been saying to you all along. Their thinly veiled disgust and outright shock at the strange hairstyles you sported back in the day. Which still seem perfectly normal to you. But what the hell are these kids doing nowadays? Those ridiculous mohawks have got to go girlfriend!! *snap *snap!!

It just boggles the mind. How can they leave the house looking like that? Aren’t they scared they’ll be laughed out of the city? It’s like a porcupine pooped on their heads and they were too lazy to clean it off. They probably have to be careful where they swing that thing lest they poke someone in the eye. And girls go for that? Really?

All I can say is that the Mohawk would probably scalp these whelps and Mr. T would only pity them.

The only time you don’t laugh when you see someone with a mohawk.

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# 3 – lol, gr8, lmfao, etc, ad nauseum

This is not specifically targeting the net lingo generation, that abbreviates everything it can find. But more an acceptance that languages and communication patterns change, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Save, understand that you’re too old for this shit. How can anyone keep track of all this? I had a hard enough time differentiating KRP from TRP.

And then you get some young ‘uns who’ll reply via text message with a single, soliltary ‘k’. This new age jargon is just strange and alien. When did we stop saying stuff like ‘cowabunga?’ Or ‘gernandez’? Or ‘bodacious’? Or……..

… why is everyone looking at me like that?

I couldn’t have been the only one!

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# 2 – The dreaded ‘U’ word

When people, who you otherwise condescendingly call ‘kids’, refer to you as ‘uncle’. I mean when did people start being born in the 90s? Shouldn’t they still be just a gleam in their daddy’s eye? And now they’re old enough to drive and vote! That’s something that’ll take a while to wrap your head around.

Apparently he’s a whiz at parallel parking, must be all that playstation.

But before you kids start getting cocky… keep in mind when you apply for jobs it’ll be us on the other end. So play nice.

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# 1 – Money ain’t a thang

You walk into Hot Spot, and you and your friends can actually afford to buy an ice cream. Each.


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Categories: The World I Know

Author:Ali Raza

"Is this the kind of person you want protecting the galaxy?"

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2 Comments on “5 tell-tale signs that you’re too old for this shit”

  1. October 13, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

    very well said. I can relate to every single one of these.

  2. Najaf
    September 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

    man, gernandez…..hahahahahahahahahaha…that was the best

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