Dumb Blondes

Blondes have historically been known to be dumb. Blonde jokes are a dime a dozen. It’s hard to say why especially when here we have some lovely and eloquent quotes by some famous blondes. Quotes worthy of praise and accolades. Quotes that will leave you begging for more. Let’s analyse a few praise-worthy ones below, shall we?


# 6 – Pamela Anderson

Dear ol’ Pammie. She’s just the epitome of all that is smart as can be seen below:

“I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.”

I’m sure half the male population around is jumping up and down at that merry thought, pounding their knees and going Hee-Haw! Pam’s naked preferences are something they’ve probably been wishing for all their lives. They don’t have to look far though. Our friend has appeared butt-naked in several Playboy issues!

“The nakedness is acceptable” – collective male species.

“I don’t think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!”

Thank you, Pam, we can tell. God was kind enough to take the gray matter smack outta your lil’ head and place it conveniently in the 100 lb. silicone you’ve got strapped on. Thinking is seriously the last thing we expect from you! Why don’t you just stick to being naked, Pammie? People like you that way. Naked and mute.

Smart Pam’s also a published author by the by. She is she is! She’s written a wonderful, almost biographical book with the very creative name of “Star”. You can see a synopsis of it, here.


# 5 – Britney Spears

My brother thinks Britney is “smokin hawt” as he puts it. Methinks she’s smokin a lot more than we know – pot maybe????

“I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time.”

Yes, next time the lesson will be very fitting specially when the perpetrator rises from his grave, realizes the awful crime he has committed, crosses himself and swears never to do it again.

“Where’s Australia? 26 hours away?? Who the f*ck would want to go somewhere that far away!”

…where the cannibals dance around the fire and can roast you over a stick. That’s Australia for you. And yes, why would you want to go somewhere so far?? It’s not like y’all have planes to fly you there in! Walking all the way to Australia would be a task, indeedy-do.

“I would rather start out somewhere small, like London or England.”

True that because a) London is definitely a very small, hick town but waitaminute b) isn’t England all the way in the Southern Hemisphere, very close to Australia as a matter of fact? Terribly terribly far away from London is England. How you gonna travel so far all the way to London and then England, Brit-nay, what with them evil cannibals and all lurking around!

“I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.”

OOPS she did it again!

Put her foot in her mouth, that is! Bua-ha-ha. Come on Brit. Don’t say that! Not out loud atleast!


# 4 – Mariah Carey

On the death of the King of Jordan as told to CNN by a tearful Mariah: “I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.”

Shocked silence from our side after these words of wisdom. With nothing further to say, we move on to something even better with a tad bit of emotion thrown in for good measure!

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

Chee Mariah, we appreciate your concern for all the poor starving kids all over the world. Though being skinny “like that” should be some consolation for them atleast, I’m sure.


# 3 – Paris Hilton

Whenever I think of Paris Hilton, I have a heehee moment. She’s just so funny. And the best part is, she’s not really trying to be. Poor Paris. She’s been the butt of so many dumb blonde jokes, I’ve lost count. Maybe she should stay shut – forever….?

“No, no, I didn’t go to England; I went to London.”

Did ya go with Britney, Paris? Cos ol’ Brit’s been wanting to start her theatrical ambitions from out there you know, it being such a small, pwetty little town.

“I’m not a sexual person, really. I don’t really care about sex.”

I just like to make raunchy sex tapes with my boyfriend and have them leaked on the internet for the world to see! Sexual controversies?? Who..me?. No, no, not sexual at all…

“Like I really . . . I don’t remember. I’m not like that smart.”

Like it’s so good to hear that you’ve like acknowledged it. Because like, we were like beginning to wonder if you’d like noticed it…

“What is the Wall Street Journal? Is that good?”

Daddy dearest can rest assured that his lovely, business-minded, heiress daughter will be running his millions successfully – right into the ground!!

“Wal-Mart… do they like make walls there?”

Yes, walls and floors and ceilings. And brains. Maybe you should check it out, doll-face.


# 2 – Miss Teen USA 2007

Hands down, this beauty gets the silver medal on our list. I specially like how she cleverly brings in Eye-Raq into her answer and talks in eloquent length about helping out that battered country and also South Africa and the Asian countries. All for the betterment of the American children and their future! Talk about NOT going off in a confused tangent! Smart girl that.

And her parents seem pretty smart too!


# 1 – George W. Bush

Now handing out the medal for Number One was a tough tough decision, there being so many beauties vying feverishly for the spot. However, someone has to be number one. And here we have it. The Number One spot goes to someone who’s not even actually blonde (blonde at heart, maybe) but the genius that flows from this one’s mouth is a treat indeed. Let’s have us a look:

Some further golden words are:

“They misunderestimated me.” –Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000.

Been reading too much lately, Bushie boy? Building yourself quite the vocabulary there, you are! And while we are on the topic of reading & vocabulary, here’s what our number one Blonde had to say about education:

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000.

A profound question. A question of questions. Rarely asked but well thought out. Probably discussed it beforehand with Miss Teen USA 2007. Because the fact is: children everywhere is important; we must work together to help the childs especially those of South Africa, Eye-Raq and specifically, US America.


Bushie’s biggest nemesis had always been (the now deceased) Osama bhai. Bushie made it clear after Sept 11, that Osama was The Man:

“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001.

Sure thing! But hang on, what’s this below:

“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” –Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, The Bush decides to tell it like it is! All those terrorists out there, looking to harm the peace-loving American nation, better watch out. Cos Bushie boy is gonna get there before them!

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Well said Mr. President! Your intellect and brain power speak wonders for the nation that elected you back to back TWO terms in a row! Hear hear!


Tags: ,

Categories: Celebrities, Movies & TV

Author:Alliya Iftikhar

Is still working on a by-line!


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3 Comments on “Dumb Blondes”

  1. October 4, 2011 at 7:40 am #

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  2. October 4, 2011 at 2:04 am #

    Who does the artwork for you guys?

    • October 4, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

      Hey Afia,

      Some of our artwork is original, but mostly we just pull stuff off the net and photoshop it.

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