Retweet Yourself a Hottie

If you’re young and preferably singly and remotely Pakistani by origin, location or imprisonment, you know you’re looking to date, despite warnings from home. But high school and college didn’t do anything for your American Pie dreams. Your work is not even half as cool as cosmopolitan/GQ had you dress up for. And cruising in Lahore and Karachi is really not like the 70’s show. Driving in Islamabad just puts you to sleep.

You have just realised all your entertainment choices geared you up for lusting after Barbie look-alikes with raging libidos / super tall man-ape lawyers, also with raging libidos. Both with abs of steel.

Both also non-existent in our world where Kim Kardashian would be rejected by your nani for being too kali and…Well good luck with finding a really tall boy.

*sigh*

Back in reality you decide to make ‘reasonable choices’: That gori best friend of your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend /that boy who danced so well to gunpat at his sister’s wedding. It’s true. You cannot deny it.

So let me help you find unrealistic but very Pakistani people online.

Far from the claws of shaadi online, twitter helps you have virtual fantasies about the ‘Pakistani tweeter’ that you’d like to know. The one generalised mould that fits ALL of them, male or female.

If you’re looking to hook up with a funny, self-deprecating-in-a-witty-way, opinionated Pakistani man or woman, twitter is where you’ll find this specimen. It’s absolutely perfect. The one profile picture lets you in on the coolness factor. The jokes are hilarious. The RT’s give insight into the awesome people they ‘follow’. They love food. Call themselves foodies, nihari whores, lassi junkies. They like truck art and have travelled the world. Or interior Sindh. Fm 89 plays their hip song choices. All English dailies print their blogs. They are ace photographers. They care about the world and take serious interest in Arab springs. But mostly they usually fight over Pakistan and how to fix it. Bloody patriotic, sure fire hit with journalist dads. Warning: army dads would hate them; the feeling is reciprocated by said perfect specimen. They are friends with the political kids on twitter. They battle over whether PTI will save the country or have it bowled over.

We’re stumped for a caption.

They even have real enemy trolls hunting them down and making their lives miserable. They occasionally smoke pot, but it’s cool since they are too smart and motivated to be junkies. Best of all, they lay bare everything about their personal lives: sleep cycles, sibling fights, iftari menu, mother issues, salary troubles, #EpicFAILS.

And they have over a thousand people hanging on to every word they say. Popular – just the way you like them. Served fresh, a hundred times a day.

So join now. Somewhere amidst the intellectual, hilarious, entertaining conversation there really is the new-age hook-up place of your dreams. Or you just get to hang out with the cool kids and talk in @ signs and hashtags.

But that’s not why I’m there. Promise.

Disclaimer: if tweeter turns out to be nothing like his/her AMAZING promoted online self, I take all responsibility and will refund you in full with a truck full of haha-you-suck.

@SairaAnsariPK

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Saira Ansari is a madhatter artist who likes textart, animals, rebels, food & travelling. Owner/slave-driver of  The s.a. Project.

http://www.facebook.com/thesaproject

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Categories: A Shot at Love

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10 Comments on “Retweet Yourself a Hottie”

  1. December 13, 2011 at 5:49 am #

    Usually I do not read article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, quite great post.

  2. Aqeel
    November 24, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    one of the funniest things ive read online in a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile. 😀

  3. Shumyl
    October 15, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    Legit.

  4. Khooni Darinda
    October 12, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    This is some of the crispest, smoothest writing I’ve ever come across. The word brilliant gets bandied around a lot but this really deserved it. I’d love to read more from you.

  5. Shehneela
    October 11, 2011 at 2:48 am #

    hahahah this so amazing saira! lol I am so trying it and getting a payback incase it does not work! 😛 lol

  6. October 10, 2011 at 2:07 am #

    super duper awesome!!! loving it!!!

  7. Ahmad B.
    October 9, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    hahaha, brilliant

  8. October 9, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    hehehe 🙂
    I can’t believe this actually got printed. Loving the photographs with it. Thanks.
    xx

  9. Samia
    October 7, 2011 at 5:40 am #

    this is a brilliant piece! i am so impressed by you guys! great work!

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