4 more types of people on a PIA flight

Some time ago we did an article on the kinds of people you generally find on a PIA flight when travelling from the UK to Pakistan, you can read that here. Now, Hiba Ali tells it like it is on one from KSA.

As a Pakistani living in Jeddah, I have been far from shielded in any way from the gross abnormalities of our people. I attribute this to the booming Pakistani society and of course my family’s determined interest in befriending every-single-member. But more on that another day! For now allow me to share my observations of our people when I am en route the beloved land. Airports/Airplanes give me the opportunity to truly embrace my origins and really set that patriotic mood you know? Yes, I put the Cricket Chacha to shame when I’m that zone.

Exhibit A: Pakistan key pyar kay liyey bara dil nahi; bara pait chahiyey hota hai.

Of course the broad spectrum of passengers can be categorized in a variety of ways, but here’s my take on a few of the many you are bound to run into.

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# 4 – ‘Sheikh’ Shahzad

Mr. Shahzad who is actually heading to Sialkot, will be blessing us with his presence on this connecting flight to Karachi. Hurra!

He is in his traditional white shalwar kameez which of course there is nothing wrong with, except that it looks & smells like it hasn’t been washed since last Eid. His luggage trolley contains enough Zam Zam bottles to distribute amongst not just his family, but his entire village. He has also chosen to take blankets all the way to Pakistan; to the land that probably sent them here. Yes, you know which blankets I am talking about. Those hideously printed fury blankets in the clear plastic cases. Regardless of the time of year, the blankets are a must luggage item!

In his village Shahzad is the “Sheikh”. People in the village will ask what he brought back from “Saudia” and of course, there’s no gift like the gift of holy water. On the plane he is the guy who stubbornly chooses to continue his trivial mobile phone conversation while the plane is 600ft off the runway. [Of course PIA crew says nothing because they’re probably too busy texting themselves.]

PIA, great people to text with.

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# 3 – Mr. Desi Donald Trump

This gentleman thinks he’s too cool for us Pakistanis. The fact that he will probably end up in Saddar a day after he lands is a different story. Important thing is: He is the shiz on the flight.

He makes sure to ask for the Angraizi newspaper to catch up on the day’s events and of course to look super busy. Fact: He is not going on a business trip. That hasn’t however stopped him from travelling in a suit. Part of this can be attributed to his desire to land in Pakistan like a true Desi Donald Trump…plus the fact that he’s actually travelling Economy.

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# 2 – Mrs. Bushra Walters

This is the woman you met eyes with in the Boarding lounge at the airport and (mistakenly) smiled at a couple of times. She conveniently assumes that is an indication of your interest in her grueling four-hour interview process.

She is member of an underground Writer’s Club; one that actually never publishes anything, but just enjoys the events leading up to it. She either has zero ability on picking up an individual’s indirect request to terminate a ‘conversation’, or she is the bloody queen of freaking persistence! Her conversations will usually begin with the usual inquiries: Name, age, marital status…you know the drill…but it can end up pretty much anywhere.

Bushra Walters: Aapka shoe size kya hai beta?

Me: Jee? Ummm… 38.

Bushra Walters: Acha? 37.5 lag raha hai?

Me: Hmm… Nahi, 38.

Bushra Walters: Waisay, kaafi bara paoon hain aapkay height ke hisaab se. Mera 36 hai. Chotay paoon larkiyon pe smart lag te hai.

Me: Hmm. [aur aunties pe chottay moon]

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# 1 – Mr. Choti Shalwar-Barri Aankhain

This guy uses the gift of eyesight like a bloody hawk. In fact, he believes that only he has been blessed with the gift of sight and no one can actually see him practically undressing you with his eyes.

In between his staring at female passengers he takes it upon himself to give the airhostess’ behind a nice little personal assessment, because to him, she is a walking-talking-jiggling fitnah.

“Behan, aap please apni nazrain neechay rakhain. Astagfirullah!!!

In with that said, I should conclude my rant. Next time you’re on a flight heading to our blessed country, keep an eye out for these guys. They make the trip worthwhile. In fact if you’re lucky Shazad, Bushra, Donald Trump and Choti Shalwar Barri Aankhain could be the person next to you while you’re out shopping or eating in Karachi. So embrace these guys and think about their entertainment value, rather than the discomfort they may cause you… they are blessings in disguise I tell you. Serious disguise.

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Hiba Ali breathes sarcasm (& occasionally fire). Tickle her funny bone & she may spare you. 

You can read more of her work over at http://bubbleofblabber.blogspot.com/

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Categories: The World I Know

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5 Comments on “4 more types of people on a PIA flight”

  1. Atiqa G.
    October 22, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    Hahahaa, Mr. Choti Shalwar-Barri Aanak is by far the most common species per flight lol

  2. Hungry Raza
    October 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    I’ve seen mr 1 and mr 4 countless times.
    Good one.

  3. max
    October 19, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    dont make fun of HOLY LAND

  4. Alliya
    October 15, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Haha! Spot on!

  5. Farrah M.
    October 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    Good stuff! I especially agree with u abt Mr. # 1.!!

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