Sound bites – Bad romance by Lady Gaga

I hate Lady GaGa, just so you know. The day she broke free of her egg shell and crawled forth into the world was a dark one for humanity. (This was written well before she ACTUALLY did on stage – quite clairvoyant really.)  She’s an ugly, talentless, attention seeking tart… and she’s flat. She’s a blight upon this world and is covertly looking to open a portal to the nether realm and let all hell break loose, not unlike the portal to her own nether realm does. And by that I mean the atrocities that spew forth from her yellowing teeth, what did you think I meant?

The Biblical Gog.

I spent an agonising few minutes listening to the trash she calls music and makes millions off, quickly reaching the conclusion that she is indeed ugly, talentless and a hack… who is also flat. And there is no way she qualifies for the term lady, you have to bear some semblance to the human female to get that tacked before your name.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance (x2)

What does she mean ‘bad romance’? Are the flowers withered? Is the candy moulded? Is it a euphemism for a particularly foul smell?

Ra ra-ah-ah-ah
Roma, roma-ma

What gibberish is this? Perhaps she’s calling upon her dark master in some bizarre ritual?

Gaga
Ooh la-la

Oh right, no bizarre ritual, she’s just a fucking retard who’s too lazy to write actual lyrics and instead relies on whatever sound her nether realm produces.

Want your bad romance (x2)

Dick, she means dick. Looks like I was wrong, now we know what she means by ‘bad romance’. But how does one get caught by a ‘bad romance’? Is it weighing her down? Has it tied itself to her ankle?

I want your ugly, I want your disease

My ugly and my disease? Bitch, it’s my ugly that would get a disease if it came anywhere near you.

I want your everything, As long as it’s free

Classy, real classy. Earning millions but she’s still a phukhi, muft khori at heart. The only thing you’ll get for free is an all expense paid trip back to the swamps, the day of her birth set in motion an ancient Mayan prophecy that culminates in 2012.

They tried to warn us… but the sheeple turned a deaf ear.

I want your love
Love love love
I want your love

Is there an echo in here? Why the fuck does she have to repeat herself so often? Probably because she can’t hear herself over her dark master whispering in her ear.

I want your drama, The touch of your hand

Does she still mean dick? Your guess is as good as mine.

I want your leather studded kiss in the sand

Leather studded kiss in the sand? Does that make sense to anyone? Does anyone edit her writing? Or does no one want to appear stupid by coming out and saying that they don’t understand what this idiot is saying? 

I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
(Love love love)
(I want your love)

Yeah, we heard you the first time and you still ain’t getting any.

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad, A bad romance

Romance shomance, what you need is a solid beating. And if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, my ugly/bad romance sure as hell isn’t coming anywhere near you.

I want your love and I want your revenge

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?? She wants my love and revenge? Truth be told though, anyone who falls in love with this creature sure as hell would want some revenge later. Or is she used to getting smacked around whenever she gets intimate? I wouldn’t doubt that, if I was stuck with someone like her I know I’d beat her every chance I got just so she’d stop writing these ridiculous songs. Plus, a few hard rights to the face might smack the ugly out of her.

Let’s make that plenty of hard rights.

You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lover’s revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

‘All your lover’s revenge’? This chick really does have a poor understanding of the double entendre… and penises (penii??) on the mind, and. Maybe it’s because she misses the one she used to have? The same one that now serves as her nose.

I want your horror
I want your design

‘Cuz you’re a criminal
As long as you’re mine

Now she’s just putting in anything that rhymes, a John Keats she’s not. And what kind of morbid, Freddy Kreuger sex has she had in her life? Wait, Hellspawn, sorry forgot. And damn right he’s a criminal if he’s doing her, bestiality is still illegal in most parts of the world.

I want your Psycho
Your Vertigo shtick
Want you in my Rear Window
Baby you’re sick

Vertigo shtick? What kind of gigantic Mount Everest schlongs has she been climbing that give her vertigo? Rear Window? Could her innuendo’s be any more obvious? And it’s not ‘baby’ who’s sick, GaGa, it’s you. You need help, but I doubt anyone in their right mind would want to give it to you, unless of course by ‘help’ we mean swift kick in your nether realm.

You know that I want you
(‘Cuz I’m a free bitch, baby!)

Not for long, the men in white coats and baseball bats (hopefully) will be here any day. And once you’ve been bound and gagged they’ll beat you within an inch of your life for soiling our ear buds with your garbage.

The Gaga, the natural predator of puppet frogs.

I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lover’s revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance (x2)

This might be the only part in the entire song that actually carries a tune. Not that I’m saying it’s any good, mind you. Just that it at least sounds rhythmic. It’s still nonsensical sounds that she’s pulled out of her nether realm, quite liberally I might add.

Walk walk fashion baby work it
Move that bitch c-razy
Walk walk fashion baby work it
Move that bitch c-razy
Walk walk fashion baby work it
Move that bitch c-razy
Walk walk passion baby work it
I’m a free bitch, baby

Whoa! She really got us there didn’t she? Fashion, fashion, fashion, PASSION!! There has to be some kind of term to describe the utter genius of that lyric writing, another term apart from Fucking Moron. Oh wait… no, no that’s pretty much perfect, fits like a glove, she is a fucking moron. Sit an orang-utan at a keyboard and it could probably write more meaningful content.

I want your love
And I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends
Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche
Je veux ton amour
I don’t wanna be friends

The French weep for having invented the language.

I don’t wanna be friends
(Caught in a bad romance)
I don’t wanna be friends

I assure you the feeling is entirely mutual. And once you manage to entangle yourself from that gargantuan ‘bad romance’ that has you trapped, feel free to disappear and never be heard from again.

Though covering her face is a definite improvement.

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Categories: Music

Author:Ali Raza

"Is this the kind of person you want protecting the galaxy?"

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4 Comments on “Sound bites – Bad romance by Lady Gaga”

  1. Samar
    November 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

    shes not that bad, people! atleast shes original

  2. Shiney
    November 1, 2011 at 5:26 am #

    i want 2 beat the gaga black n blu. irritating n an attention seeker. loser. tks for dis pc

  3. Alliya
    October 29, 2011 at 5:49 pm #

    Lady Gaga is a retard and its not a surprise that she churns out such utter garbage

  4. Samia
    October 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    this is actually a genius piece of writing. i detest lady gaga too!

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