4 reasons why Imran Khan should moonlight as the Batman

You know what the world needs? It needs grown men to run around with their underpants worn atop their pants fighting crime. It needs heroes for us to look up to, men and women who put everything out there to make the streets a safer place.

We all know who Batman is, from the campy Adam West show to the horribly inappropriate bat-nipples version of George Clooney, to finally the dark, brooding Christian Bale. The official Batman cannon states he’s actually billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, but after exhaustive research (Editor’s note: by that he means he played Batman: Arkham Asylum on the xbox all day), I have ascertained who is fit to take up the cowl and mantle of the bat, in the real world. Here goes.


# 4 – International Playboy

So before he turned to politics and allied himself with those large beards than can walk and mimic the human language, Imran Khan was quite the ladies man. He’s a good looking dude too so no surprises that the sight of him stilled the hearts of many a fawning female… amongst other things. His exploits are common knowledge, and during his younger days he was notorious for his liaisons with the ladies. He remained the definitive bachelor prior to his marriage, and regained that status after his divorce.

How many people do you know who can rock a mullet?

Plus, though much denied, a court in LA confirmed through DNA testing that Tyrian is indeed his biological daughter.

Holy Bat-similarities:

Bruce Wayne is also renowned for his philandering ways and international conquests. Though never married, he too has a lovechild with Talia al Ghul.


# 3 – Rich Philanthropist

Back in 2007 Imran Khan was valued at approximately Rs. 82 million.

Which is a considerable amount that must have increased in the last 4 odd years. I’m not implying anything other than merely the fact that he is a reasonably wealthy man, not Bruce Wayne wealthy but a millionaire by any standards. So he’s got the dough to spend when it comes to designing bat themed weaponry and gadgets.

And we all know he’s quite the philanthropist. Shaukat Khanum Memorial Hospital is the only hospital in Pakistan that provides free treatment for cancer patients. Top that off with the Imran Khan Foundation, a non profit organisation that works towards provision of education, social and health care and relief for those affected by natural disasters.

Holy Bat-similarities:

Bruce Wayne too runs the Wayne Foundation, a charity devoted to helping victims of crime and providing reformation to existing criminals. And needless to say he’s fairly well off monetarily.


# 2 – The Batcave

In Bani Gala, the suburbs of Islamabad, sits Imran Khan’s palatial mansion at the very top of a private hill. You can’t go in, the road is private and the mansion itself is massive. So why does he need the entire hill to himself I hear you ask? Because he’s got a subterranean lair in there that’s why.

It’s surprisingly hard to find decent images of Paki places online.

It’s the perfect place, it’s some distance from the heart of the city, is safe from prying eyes and a good place to recuperate after facing off against his foes.

Holy Bat-similarities:

What’s the one thing that defines Batman? No not the fact that he’s a grown man who runs across roof tops at night in a Halloween costume. The Batcave!! His mansion is on the outskirts of Gotham City and the sprawling estate is the perfect place for an underground rave… I mean cave.


# 1 – Fit as a Fiddle

Let’s face it; the man could probably kick your fucking ass. He’s lean and athletic and practices aikido, alright so I made that last part up but still, it seems plausible. He looks better at 60 than most of us did at 25. And it goes without saying that his athletic past has probably imbued him with greater stamina and agility than the average pencil pusher.

Or Adam West’s middle aged incarnation, complete with pot belly and 24 hour hard on.

Not only is he physically fit, but his mental fortitude too is fairly robust. Armed with a degree from Oxford it’s safe to assume he’s well educated. He’s intelligent, articulate and smarter than your average bear. Which should come in handy when he has to track down all those wily criminals.

Holy Bat-similarities:

We all know Batman is an expert martial artist and is in top physical condition. And it’s not a leap of faith to assume that when he turns sixty, he’d be satisfied to look half as good as the great Khan.

In conclusion, suffice it to say that as far as the Batsuit is concerned, Imran Khan would look plain good in that shit.

There can be only one Bat(s)man.

And lastly, we would be the single coolest country on the planet if our (potentially) elected Prime Minister moonlighted as the Batman. Fuck with us now world.



Categories: Celebrities, Movies & TV

Author:Ali Raza

"Is this the kind of person you want protecting the galaxy?"


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4 Comments on “4 reasons why Imran Khan should moonlight as the Batman”

  1. Man Whore
    November 6, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    Nailed the ending

  2. Kashan
    November 4, 2011 at 11:19 am #

    hahahaha. Ditto!

  3. November 4, 2011 at 1:56 am #

    Great post. Nailed it

  4. hamster41
    November 4, 2011 at 1:53 am #

    ” that Tyrian is indeed his biological daughter” Hahahahaha

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