From Jahangir to Jackson (I want to be a Mod Boy, gora gora)

Years ago; when most of us hadn’t been through puberty, Mod Girl took Pakistan by storm.

Now a decade and a half later, and craving the same fame and money that Mod Girl’s success bought – Mr. Sunny Bum wala  wants to create a product which will once again take our Land of Pure by storm. It is Mod Boy- a bleach cream for men (Mr. Bumwala  wants to aim for homos and heteros, both). “After all, our boys too get insecure about their looks and have every right in this world to use products to make them handsome and sexier,”  he told our reporter.

When the time came to make the decision on who was going to be the face of Mod Boy, only one person came up in Mr Bumwala’s mind. Hassan Jahangir (of Hawa Hawa fame). Who could be a better candidate than a pop star still reeling from the affects of being one of yesteryear?

Mr. Sunny  claims he got this idea while youtubing Hassan Jahangir’s sexy ‘hawa hawa’ dance and realized the video had an awfully high number of hits. Looking at those numbers he then decided to get in touch with him and make an offer. He told Mr. Jahangir what a huge fan he was of his songs and how his whole family danced the night of his mehndi away to ‘hawa hawa’ – Mr. Sunny had also spent countless hours imitating Mr. Jahangir’s  fashion sense and dance steps and it was because of those steps he finally managed to seduce the woman who is now his wife, Seher Naveed Bumwala.  (For those of you trying to get into someone’s pants, try these moves too).

Mr. Sunny advises people to start watching from 0.30 seconds onwards.  (Mrs. Seher Bumwala couldn’t be reached at first for comments as she was too conservative to speak to our male reporter; so we wrapped him in a burqa and a bra with water baloons and sent him to Mrs. Bumwala, we were inspired by Abdul Aziz – of the epic  Laal Masjid episode. He, too dressed up in a burqa in a genius attempt to escape from the police.

Upon having the comfort of speaking to a ‘female’ reporter she opened up about how supportive she is of her husbands profession. “You see, the husband is the woman’s majazi khudaa (wordly God) when I wasn’t married my mother would have countless Quran khawanis at our house. We would all close our eyes and pray very hard that I get married soon. After countless Quran khawanis and other religious gatherings I was introduced to Sunny’s mother at her sister’s funeral  – I met Sunny there too and we fell in love – and now that I finally have a husband I must support every single thing he does,” she states. While tears of gratitude and happiness poured down her face, she continues the tale rather emotionally, “A month before the wedding I started using Modgirl cream bleach all over my  face and body.  I was glowing on my Suhaag raat – we had our first son just 9 months after our wedding.”

“The ad for Mod Boy will he the ULTIMATE  homage to the deeply entreched gora complex we as a nation suffer,” he stated excitedly. “As the brand manger for Mod Boy it is my duty to make sure our gora complex takes deeper root with every passing generation, by the grace of  Almighty Allah the great, it is happening,” he declared, his voice swelled with emotion and pride. They are also trying to get the born again muslim Junaid Jamshed  to endorse Mod Boy as a perfectly halal and “ok for Shariah compliant consumption.” This need arose when a rumor spread that one of the banned acids imported from Brazil – which is the main component of the cream  is carried in the same ship that transports Tunisian pigs to China, this created an uproar which soon died down when they announced they’re attempt to get JJ (Junaid Jamshed) onboard their board of governors.

Despite his ‘Sanwali Saloni’ hypocrisy in the past. 

Speaking of this widening obsession with fairness, an increasing number of religious scholars are also now getting trained to extract and at times invent duas which when recited by pregnant women, would  lighten the skin tone of the fetus, which would obviously mean that he/she would be  have a much better standard of living as compared to a darker child. And in very rare cases, if recited enough times- one may just pop out a blonde haired, blue eyed baby- hopefully then the baby will one day be the next Justin Bieber, (Inshallah)

For the ad of Mod Boy, Hassan Jahangir will be shown as fair  as Micheal Jackson and he will be chased by 7 fair complexioned Thai and Iranian prostitutes.  He will be wearing black spandex and his chest and thighs will be oiled like a well fed Punjabi Kabadi player. They are also flying in Essa Malik Taimur, a celebrity waxing expert from the famous parlour Depilex. Mr. Taimur has waxed  larger than life chests like the ones belonging to Ali Zafar, Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys  and Peter Andre for his video ‘Mysterious girl’.  He used to perform exotic wax jobs on the Tamil actors in South Indian artistic porn films.  But then RAW agents took him in and accused him of being a Pakistani spy, his stint in India ended rather abruptly, damaging not only his fragile self esteem but also his bank account  (it has been rumored that his wife left him for an Indian actor, Johnny Lever).

He will be responsible for making sure Mr. Jehangir’s skin is not only absolutely hairless but also looks as smooth and soft as a Chitrali baby’s bottom. He will also be the makeup artist.

Hassan Jahangir could not be reached for a statement.  Although his facebook status update was “On my way to be Pakistan’s Michael Jackson, Thanks to Mod Boy and Allah”

The video will be shot in Bara Kahu, Islamabad .

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Categories: Celebrities, Movies & TV

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.

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2 Comments on “From Jahangir to Jackson (I want to be a Mod Boy, gora gora)”

  1. garrymoore
    November 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    hi to all bigpenpakistan.wordpress.comers this is my first post and thought i would say a big hello to yous –
    thanks speak soon
    garry moore

  2. Moeed Tariq
    November 18, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    Haaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!

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