Dear Veena – Nudity in the land of the pure

Our reporters always strive to bring you to-the-point and ethical journalism . So on Friday night our reporters hacked into Veena Malik’s email account. – MsVeenaJi@sexymail.com ( her password was password) to share some of the mails sent to her, in response to the supposed nude photoshoot. These are a few emails they found.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Asif Ali Zardari 

Meri pyaari sister Veena,

First of all I would like to thank you with the bottom of my heart for taking the public’s attention away from me. I find it very cute ( and
convenient) that despite being plagued by every possible issue a country could possibly have , the public chooses to get angry and protest over your jism. Hehe Veena ji. I am a very lonely man ji and you are a very beautiful woman. We should meet soon once I am feeling better. Do you want to come see me in Dubai ?? You can stay with me in Burj-ul-Arab. I can send you my jet by tonight.

Yours hormonally,

Asif.

This picture doesn’t even require a caption.

P.S I don’t care whose right and whose wrong, and I don’t care if FHM has  sued you and accused you of being a liar in front of the world. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all….

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Mufti Abdul Qawi

Mr. Venna,

You are going to be banned. I told you pehlay bhi. You do the cuddle with non muslim men on big boss and I tell you what you do is wrong. What will the peoples say about Pakistan and muslims. You make our face black. You ill-reputation you. This is not right. What you are doing is worst than what animals and homosexuals do. Now you take of clothes for Indian magazine ??? Then you say its fake and then they call you liar and sue you too. What have you made of Pakistan’s reputations I cannot even put into words!! Shame on you. Allah will ask you on the day of Judgment. I want to see the video of the shoot now.

wooo-wooo– I mean.. Astagfirullah Astagfirullah!

Allah Hafiz,
Mufti Sahab

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mrs. Mufti Abdul Qawi

Veena ji,

You homewrecker!! Last night I saw my husband touching his shalwar badly looking at you fahash pictures!! He has never done it before in his life and then he sees your pictures and starts doing the immoral. He was making weird sounds. I then took my little little children and come to my mothers. You are a evil evil woman. You should be arrested . You wait and see what I do.! I wish you go live in Saudi Arabia. I bet you will drive there, which you can because I am sure you are not a virgin. I go to pir and do kaala jadoo on you !

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Farmeen Khan

Dearest the Veena,

I couldn’t stop thinking about you Veenaji. I was thinking about you even when my husband was making the sex with me. I am a gay for you ji.

Love always and forever,

Farmeen.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Amir Liaqat

Veena sister,

I know what your going through. Believe you me, I went through the same thing a few months ago, with that video of mine that someone dubbed and put up on youtube. People hate us because they are jealous of our fame, fortune and stunningly good looks.

You don’t want to know why we cropped it to his waist.

Yours always,

Amir.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mathira Mohammad

Kanjaree!! Mainay pehlay karna tha !! harami!!

Mathira.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Miss Meera ji 

Veena, Mine are bigger.

The one and only Meeraji

____________________________________________________________________________________________

These are a few of the mails we thought would make an interesting read. Since everyone is always worried about ‘what will other people think?” our reporters have been going up and down the nation to find out what people actually think about this episode.

Our reporter in Peshawar informed us about a dua and Quran khawaani that took place for Veena’s well being. It was held at Mrs. Maha Ahmed’s residence. She believes that Ms. Malik was possessed by evil demons and that’s why she posed nude, and didn’t remember posing nude so sued the magazine. Ms. Ahmed is the founder of the Sawab Accumulation Maximisation group (SAM).

“All muslims must earn as much Sawab as possible, we work towards maximising Sawab and one way we can earn it is by praying for people who have gone astray,” Ms. Ahmed informed the reporter, upon being asked why she went that out of her way for Ms. malik. “I have a very strong feeling the Hindus did Kaala Jadoo on the poor girl,” she adds.

Social theorists in Pakistan are still trying to assess how much damage Veena Malik’s breasts have caused. ‘Who could have thought that a pair of breasts could lead to furious clash within the country?’ said Veena Malik’s spokersperson. ‘Yes the nudity is clearly photoshopped and we have sued the magazine and then they sued us back. It’s a like an ugly pillow fight.’

Pillow fights are never ugly, just to set the record straight.

But the matter, we feel, goes beyond Photoshop skills of the Indians and “who sues who for a higher amount” game . Liberals and feminists are very worried that serious issues like poverty, unemployment, the state of our education and healthcare sector are going unnoticed by the politicians and other public figures, and Veena’s privates managed to get more attention then all these other issues put together. Several NGO’S are now planning on using Ms. Malik’s chest as an advertisement billboard for public service messages, for they feel that is the only way to get the well connected people’s attention. Muhammad Talib Dogar, the director of PTA has now added the word ‘Veena’ and ‘Malik’ to the list of the banned words.

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Categories: Celebrities, Movies & TV

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.

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24 Comments on “Dear Veena – Nudity in the land of the pure”

  1. August 7, 2013 at 10:43 am #

    hahaha very funny. Ms. Emaan if you are not married then you should think over your mom’s saying 😛 Keep it up !

  2. September 6, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

    *Way to go* Emaan Mahmud!

    And please don’t stop writing in search of Good Rishtas.. You Rock =)

  3. F. Faruqi
    May 19, 2012 at 3:58 am #

    Loved the article, best one I’ve seen on this site!

  4. March 29, 2012 at 12:58 am #

    i agree with mrs fazal (the non cucumber wala edition). although i do wish Mr. Fazal (again, non cucumber wala edition) would come up with better excuses than i was offering extra prayers for flood victims everytime he’s with me.
    but still, we must learn ethics.

  5. Kaif
    March 27, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    wonderful wonderful…. i was laughing all the way…i loved Mathira

  6. Mrs.fazal
    March 27, 2012 at 5:49 am #

    Isn’t it vulgar???…i didnt find it funny. how sick!!!…the author really needs to learn ethics

    • March 27, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      truly sorry i offended you Mrs Fazal, maybe I’m the way I am because my parents are related to each other

      • Arooba
        August 2, 2012 at 10:57 am #

        Perfect Emaan. One should write how the society actually is… I appreciate the boldness…

    • Kaif
      March 27, 2012 at 11:19 am #

      Mr. Fazal…. 😀 ….oh what the heck…there is no point saying anything is there….. except……naaah. forget it !

  7. December 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

    Hahaha This was hilarious! Specially Mathira’s proposed reaction to that! Couldn’t stop laughting!

  8. Alliya
    December 10, 2011 at 5:41 am #

    hilarious!!

  9. munaza
    December 9, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    love it! Zardari left in time to meet up Veenaji…

  10. Hassan
    December 9, 2011 at 5:07 am #

    SHAME ON YOU ALL!

  11. hina zindani
    December 9, 2011 at 4:12 am #

    good on emaan

    mathira was the best!!!!!!!!11

  12. hina zindani
    December 9, 2011 at 4:10 am #

    good one emman

    mathira one was rocking !!!

  13. December 9, 2011 at 2:31 am #

    Meera totally rocked it 😛

  14. Samia
    December 9, 2011 at 1:47 am #

    too good Emaan!

  15. Abbasii A.
    December 9, 2011 at 1:42 am #

    I’m glad you didn’t publish the email I sent to Veena :p

  16. Waqas
    December 9, 2011 at 1:02 am #

    hillarious….the mufti sahab stuff is the best

  17. Atiq
    December 9, 2011 at 12:28 am #

    “Miss Meera ji
    Veena, Mine are bigger.

    The one and only Meeraji”

    AHAHAHAHAH!!! bohat aala!!

  18. December 9, 2011 at 12:14 am #

    OMG. this is ROFL hilarious. I am so gonna spam everyone with this post so that they read it and make it go viral. I have never laughed so much in my life.

  19. Moeed Tariq
    December 9, 2011 at 12:13 am #

    I was expecting something funnier but there was solid gold in there nevertheless!!! *Chummi*

  20. Usman
    December 9, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    hai hai… veena tum kitni pyari ho! 🙂

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