Imran Khan’s REAL followers

After the success of his historic jalsa,  Imran Khan has attracted a few stalkers.  They are known to follow him around the country, sending him smses asking him if he likes to be on top or bottom, women have been seen running in their underwear outside his home in Bani Gala. The police have made a few arrests and now Lolita Cucumberwala has been hired by the PTI  to treat these special souls. Here’s a little something on the first case.

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Aunty Syeda (56 years old, retired husband and grown up children)

Intro –   She spends her days reading Mills and Boons novels.  She doesn’t really know much about politics but remembers distinctly the adrenalin  she felt racing through her while watching the world cup match in 1992 . Since then she has been sporting a crush on Imran Khan and as of recently imagines her and Immy K as the protagonists of the steamy Mills and Boons novels she reads every night.

Run it’s about to burst!!

She reads them out loud to herself, not only disturbing her husband’s sleep but also making him feel deeply insecure about his receding hairline and a obscenely huge pot belly. Aunty Syed got the attention of PTI when she made a twitter account with the name ‘Mrs. Imran Khan’ and tweeted ‘@Imran Khan,  I want to count ur eyelashes when u sleep,’  ‘@Imran Khan, I want to leave my fat husband for u’ and ‘@Imran Khan  u r the father of my beti’.

Then she really attracted followers when she started tweeting Jemimah Khan. Some of her tweets ‘@Jemimah Khan. Ur not as pretty as u think,’  ‘@Jehmimah Khan  – r ur sons really Imran Khan’s?’ ‘@Jemimah Khan. WHITE BITCH!’

As a part of her treatment (and for the sake of entertainment), Lolita made Mrs. Syed read out a part of her favorite Mills and Boons novel ‘The friction between passionate bosoms’, it went like so:

‘Imran’s dark intense eyes flashed with passion and lust as he stared at Syeda from top to bottom, his gaze resting gently on her softly heaving breasts, the left one slightly larger than the right one.  Slowly he came closer and put his large warm hand on her heart shaped face shivering with lustful excitement, lips quivering.  Syeda’s insides were on fire. She tried not to stare at the bulge in his pants. The feeling seemed to be mutual judging by the look of lust in Imran’s eyes. The breeze was light but strong enough to make her hair flow, making her look more beautiful than ever, the slight blush made her cheeks sensually rosy. Very gently he rested his mouth on hers …  (the rest has been censored by the PTA- the kiss is more than enough).

Lolilta (while tweeting the details of her session to all 13 of her followers): Syed Begum,  please tell me a little about your obsession

Syed Begum: have you not seen or heard him??  My husband doesn’t like to touch me anymore!!

Lolita: Ohhh, so your  sexually frustrarted? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaaa.. (gets a coughing fit after which she starts tweeting more furiously than ever)

Syeda Begum : Do you think he’ll ever love me ?? I know in my heart he left Jemimah for me ! I am a Punjabi woman I have more curves than that skinny white gori kafir!!

Oi! Who you callin’ skinny punk?!

Lolita: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA…..

The session was cut short when in a laughing fit, Dr Lolita got another coughing fit which turned into an asthma attack. 

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Categories: Celebrities, Movies & TV

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.

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