Dating & Azaadi with Maya Khan

On the morning of 17 January 2012,  an average looking, slightly fat and Punjabi  morning show anchor, Ms. Maya Khan, in a sad attempt to get her 15 minutes of ACTUAL fame tried to cleanse Karachi’s public parks of  young couples.

It was moral policing at its crudest.  She stormed in with a camera crew and a group of seemingly sexually frustrated, ‘If I can’t get none they can’t either’ category aunties.  They literally chased couples and interrogated them, probably in hopes of shaming them back into their homes.  

 

Ms. Khan seemed to be under the impression that dating is absolutely the worst thing one could indulge in.  She seems to think that touching the opposite sex is downright unnatural and sick.

Maybe she doesn’t how babies are made.

So out of sheer curiosity and a dash of concern for Ms. Khan’s mental and emotional state, our reporters stole her diary (it was hidden under her pillow along with a Playboy centrefold of Pamela Anderson)

Here are a few pages from it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Pyaari diary,

25 December 2011

I saw the most handsomest boy on TV today.  His name is Sahir. He has his own show called the Sahir Lodhi show. I must meet him some how.  He looks like Shahrukh Khan.

Or more like Sharukh Khan’s sexually confused, bleached blonde doppleganger.

I must loose weight now and practice on my English accent, if there was a way I could sound more American, though I’ve never been there. Hmmm.. Maya Lodhi will sound so good. Some people say he is already married….  I don’t care. Im Maya Khan. Im so pretty and mashallah say so chesty.

 27 December 2011

I should tell tailor sahab to start making shirts tighter. Must have more dancing in the next show. But then must have something Islamic in the next show .

Boss told me today there are only two things that sell in our country. Islam and sex. So I should always have one of them on my show.  Never mix them though. Farhat baji will get upset .

Hai why is boss married? He seems to be very fond of me, always staring at my big chest. I wonder what Farhat baji looks like without her burqa .  

30 December 2011

I wonder what Sahir is doing for new year’s night. Maybe if I go to the same get together as him.  I’ve gained 5 more pounds. I’ve been having too many pakoras.  

I can feel it in my right buttcheek.

I still haven’t met Sahir, my soul is getting tired of the hurt and the weight of the love I feel .  Oh atleast I have Humsafar to watch.. I wonder what would Khirat look like without her duppata.

7 January 2012.

The new year is here. My heart aches for Sahir every day.  Why doesn’t any boy like me? Why is God keeping me away from my soul mate? I’ve been listening to ‘Nobody wants to be lonely’ by Ricky Martin , non stop. I can’t seem to stop these tears.  I tried to add him on facebook after poking him. He hasn’t responded.  I’m starting to feel the anger.  Why me ? oh meray khuda.

8 January 2012

I need to call Sakina, must get waxed. Too much  thick hair on my chest. It’s getting longer. Maybe I should get laser treatment. What will Sahir think when he sees my chest?

 9 January 2012

 There is a strange growth on my armpit.  Need to go to Itwaar Bazaar to buy bras and panties.

10 January 2012.

Sahir has rejected my friendship request. Can’t take it anymore. Simply cannot bear this unbearable heaviness of my broken heart.

That feeling? Yeah.. it’s not heartbreak; it’s a heart attack courtesy of all those pakoras.

14 January 2012

I’ve run out of tears… oh the pain and the loneliness.  I should try my luck with women now.

16 January 2012

SAKINA STOLE MY VIBRATOR !!!!!!!!

(The unfortunate end of the diary and Ms. Khan’s sanity)

Advertisements

Tags:

Categories: A Shot at Love

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

2 Comments on “Dating & Azaadi with Maya Khan”

  1. Alliya
    February 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    Way to go! Excellent piece of work!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: