NUDITY- Just another Jewish conspiracy

The Saudis have always had it right, after all they were the ones who made the crucial discovery of the dangerous shift in a woman’s mental health after coming into contact with cucumbers, bananas and various other vegetables which they are certain have been genetically modified by the Jews to look like genitals.

Or the harbinger of an impending alien invasion.

Recently, it was discovered that when one is in the bathroom and one’s private parts are in a clear view, there is a slight change in the neural activity of the brain which normally leads to unhealthy thoughts and lewd behaviour (God forbid).

After gaining the confidence with their brilliant and revolutionary research done on impure affects on the minds of chaste women caused by bananas and cucumbers . They published this equally revolutionary paper – here is an excerpt

Viewing yourself naked may lead to mental problems.

Viewing yourself naked AND admiring your naked body will eventually lead to a nervous breakdown and/or suicide.

Women will become modern and discover their “front organ” and its pleasure points.

Muslims will start having sexual relations purely for pleasure.

They will start using birth control.

Sitting on the pot for too long may stretch the female hymen. Making it easy to tear. Hence creating doubts about virginity.

Women – being infinitely inferior to men will start thinking they are equal to men and will start creating problems.

They will start talking back to their mother in laws.

This paper has received a lot of attention from various important sub-continental intellectuals. Zaid Hamid, Zakir Naik and Mufti sahab.

That’s ‘DOCTOR’ Zakir Nike to you!!

Zaid Hamid is of the opinion that lights designed for the bathrooms are intentionally done by the Jews and Indians just like all those Lahori mujra videos on youtube.

“The Indians are scared of our abilities and want to distract our intelligent and good looking boys with this vulgarity. This is the symbolic way the Illuminati plans to destroy Pakistan. Rather ironic that the Illuminati planning to destroy us by illuminating sexuality,” he roared at one cross eyed reporter during an interview.

The genius “defense analyst” claims that everything from architecture schools to extra strong cappuccinos served at Espresso are merely tools for the free masons to take over the Muslim civilization.

An extract from his mind blowing essay ‘Zionists , Shehzan juice and hijras’ states:

‘Look at all the different methods of birth control !! They are weapons of mass destruction invented by the west to suppress the East . The West is scared of our might . They will never suppress our spirits or our intelligence, so now they want to control our population

The full essay will be published later once we fulfill the author’s demand of getting one of Lady Gaga’s used and unwashed outfits.

‘One time while I was waiting for the light to go green at the signal in Clifton this Hijra came upto me and said ‘aye Hrithik Roshan, baray chiknay lag rahay ho!’

Now tell me people, why would any patriotic and self respecting Pakistani bestow so much honor to a non Pakistani? Why don’t the hijras say “Shaan, Sahir Lodhi or Ashar from Humsafar, his stunning looks haunt my dreams and I wake up salivating. This is being done on purpose. It’s a part of a grand scheme.

The enemies of Islam have cleverly and systematically planted these Hindu loving Hijras and other homosexual men in our nation. There were never any homosexuals in Pakistan a decade ago.’

We’re not saying anything, we figure you’re smart enough.

Mr. Essa Malik Taimur, a young man at the Indus Valley school of Art and Architecture has started the campaign of making the bathrooms at his kafir infested college into light proof rooms. No light should enter where people go to excrete. He has received some financial support for this endeavor from Dr. Nurjehan Mawaz Khan- the owner of Quran TV and a PhD in Jihad and Imperialism. The liberals, on the other hand are creating problems by calling this project as ‘outrageous’ and ‘belonging to the dark ages’ – literally and
metaphorically speaking.

Mr Essa and Dr Nurjehan have responded to this harsh criticism by getting married to each other.

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Categories: The World I Know

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.

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3 Comments on “NUDITY- Just another Jewish conspiracy”

  1. Azmat Naseer
    March 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm #

    A brilliant piece. Why didnt you quote Mr. Zakir Nike here?

    • March 10, 2012 at 12:14 am #

      Because Zaid Hamid steals the limelight with his brilliant theories. im so going to buy his book

  2. zeeshan
    February 23, 2012 at 3:22 am #

    Great.

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