From Qadri to Qadianis – why are our lawyers so angry!

Our lovely “more-muslim-than-thou brigade” (this time in the form of LBA) has made yet another classic move which goes to show that instead of evolving as a society, we’re devolving.

A bunch of lawyers displayed their amusingly low IQ levels by banning the Ahmadiyya owned – Shehzan juice from the Lahore courts. Stickers have been pasted over the canteens prohibiting the members of the best religion in the world from buying the juice of non-Muslims.

It makes one wonder what exactly are they teaching at the Law schools. First they shocked the sane section of our society by throwing their panties at Mumtaz Qadri and now this.

In their defence the colours do bring out his eyes.

Picture source: National Geographic’s ‘When bears mate’

For those of you don’t know much except for the story line of Humsafar – in1974 Zulfikar ali Bhutto declared Ahmadiyya’s as Non Muslims. And then in 1984, everyone’s favorite, General Zia ul Haq passed an ordinance which basically made it illegal for them to breathe or take a piss.

You don’t want to know where that finger’s been!

In Mr Zia’s defense he was trying to cleanse Pakistan of ‘un-Islamic activities’. Apparently getting raped could get you arrested too, if you couldn’t get four men to act as witnesses to the rape – (there are still some poor souls who still support Mr Zia- may God grant them sanity or a bad case of herpes).

Banning a certain brand of fruit juice purely because its owned by ‘non Muslims’ does not qualify as normal behaviour It reeks of bitterness and frustration. And it makes one wonder what exactly went wrong in their childhood or if they’re suffering from an undiagnosed mental condition.

Throughout time infamous people have had some pretty colourful skeletons in their closets. Case in point, history’s darling Adolf Hitler, only had one testicle. Maybe that’s why he was so upset and took it out on the Jews. (At one point he dated his niece too, who later killed herself).

We’re guessing the lack of a testicle made him aerodynamic.

Apart from missing testicles and problems that would make you a case study for Sigmund Freud, I wonder what exactly it is that makes these lawyers so damn angry, so after a little reading and going through their fantastic website I have come up with a list of the probable problems these poor souls might be facing :

1- Bipolar upbringing – Too much love from amma jaan and a super strict abba jaan.

Effect – ‘the sun shines out of my ass’ complex with a heavy helping of anger directed towards everything under the sun.

Severe case of denial.

Warped sense of reality.

Inferiority complex.

Man is that gonna stain!

Result – Going through the LBA website one finds quite a few gems (including picture of the protest against facebook – last time I checked facebook was a non living thing).

But what’s truly heartwarming is how they describe themselves…

“The Lawyers community is the intelligentsia of a country who not only endeavour for getting justice to Public at Large…”

Is their definition of “public” Mumtaz Qadri ? Intelligentsia indeed and yes, the public does have a capital P!

“The Lahore Bar Association has a distinguished and remarkable feature of being the biggest Bar not only of Pakistan but of Asia and which also had its bright and dignified traditions and has throughout been making best efforts for the rights and protection of tine Lawyer Community and has always hoisted the flag of righteousness and the rights of the General Public.”

So , I’m assuming the Ahmadiyya community doesn’t come under general public? And if someone doesn’t come under the category of public what do they come under? The general private?

2- A terrible case of constipation.

Cause – poor diet.

A totally random website did a gorgeous job of explaining the effects of irregular bowel movement. All I had to do was copy and paste.

*“First of all let us consider the effect that constipation has on our happiness, the ability to enjoy ourselves and to give pleasure to others,….*

And then…

*”If you weren’t so touchy, your friends would tell you that you exhibited every symptom of bowel sluggishness, and that you could free yourself of the constipation that was ruining your life.” *

Moral of the story – the best thing to do when your life is ruined is to make a full time commitment to ruining it for others too!

Other reasons that may increase the level of frustration and may cause one to develop hatred and not so appropriate feelings for the Ahmadiyya community are:

3- Disrupted sleep thanks to load shedding.

4- Sexual frustration

5- Too dark a complexion, constant taunting from family.

6- Hormonal imbalance

7- Menstruation and pre menstrual symptoms. (for females only)

8- Maya khan getting fired from Samaa TV.



Categories: The World I Know

Author:Emaan Mahmud

Emaan Mahmud has been told by her mother that she'll never get a good rishta if she keeps up with these blogs.


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7 Comments on “From Qadri to Qadianis – why are our lawyers so angry!”

  1. Umar Ahmed
    March 19, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    You’re wrong! Wrong I tell you! I stopped drinking Shezaan Juice when I found out it’s owned by “them” and ever since then, my life has changed COMPLETELY! My girlfriend who had dumped me came crawling back. My boss promoted me. My uncle whom I never knew died and left me a fortune (a substantial part of which I’ve used to invest in my own juice brand: Notsheezan – coming soon!). And I’ve made peace with whoever kidnapped my wife and left a note on my pillow that said that I’d never see my wife again and signed it “your wife”. So everyone reading this, STOP DRINKING SHEEZAN (and start drinking Notsheezan when it launches in 2013*wink* *wink*) and just look at your fortunes turn before your very eyes! Try it! It worked for me!

    • March 19, 2012 at 11:46 am #

      ur going to become very rich and whose going to be Notshehzan’s brand ambassador ? i think it should be Dr Amir Liaqat the great ( or maybe even zaid hamid – brilliant man )

      • Umar Ahmed
        March 20, 2012 at 1:32 am #

        Definitely not Amir Liaquat, mainly because he’d jump all over the Notsheezan bandwagon and then when it’d turn out to not be that good, he’d wash his hands of it claiming his voice was dubbed and jump to some other company and start a new juice brand called “Notnotsheezan and Alam”. I wonder what Dr. Shahid Masood is doing these days, because if there’s one man who’d NEVER switch to another company, it’s him.

  2. February 28, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    sara tu allah ko pyaari ho gayee..

  3. zeeshan
    February 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    this time i really liked the images you used in your writing. please don’t use the name of Hamsafer, it can heart Aunties n bajis. they can survive with out juice but not Humsafer.

    • February 28, 2012 at 12:30 am #

      do u think khirad should take ashar back ?

      • zeeshan
        February 28, 2012 at 2:26 am #

        i found khirad as Lesb….! so i think Sara deserve Ashar.

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