5 universal problems we all have

While there are a lot of mysteries that bug me every now and then, a few of them are just too annoyingly infuriating to not notice and then share them. In fact, I’m afraid some of them are going to get status of Universal Truths, given time. Here they are:

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# 5 – Breakouts before attending a wedding, WHY?

Who said these terrible looking pimples will leave us once we cross the teen threshold? Even if the theory is somewhat right, for some of us things only get worse. Ok, I would rather succumb to the cruel plans of fate, had I not witnessed these breakouts right before I have to attend a wedding. I mean, how the heck do these gruesome, little bastards know I have a function to attend?

 

Trust us… you don’t want to see what Google returns when you type in ‘pimples’. Here’s a picture of some kittens instead. Don’t everyone thank us at once.

Why just a day or two before the big day of someone –you know it doesn’t matter who’ s getting married, provided there’s a lavish menu; all you gotta care about is how to look as stunning as possible—a horrid looking pimple graces your cheek or forehead or even worse your nose, out of nowhere. And guess what! This time it would be horribly big enough to even leave your concealer helpless.

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# 4 – Guests before exams, WHY?

Is it me or do a lot of other people think the chances of having guests at your place increases manifold during your exams? I’m still unable to understand the functioning of fate here. The tougher the exams you are taking, the closer relatives/family friends will be barging into your place and the longer their stay will be. Yes, shit happens But it happens pretty often with me. Now, you can’t tell them to postpone their visit nor can you pretend to study alone in your room.

Well, their loud gregarious noises, jokes and gossip about everyone you are related to, isn’t something you can really resist. It’s the devil’s conspiracy, I tell you! A temptation thrown my way, an evil “peer baba” somewhere, I’m sure, is being paid to do this *guests-before-exams* spell (on some Frenemy’s request) to ensure I flunk.

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# 3 – Nothing entertaining on TV AFTER Exams, WHY?

Why the hell must this idiot box get even more idiotic once you’re done with your exams? Every entertaining program will be broadcast when you’ve got an assignment with a short deadline; the much-awaited episode of your favorite show, the long-anticipated movie, that important match of Pakistan, EVERY FRIGGIN THING!

I may be only one of two people on the planet who doesn’t know how this show ended… thank you Algebra.

And once you’re free, you cuddle up on your sofa to enjoy the entertainment world and wow! There’s nothing worth your time, so you end up flicking through channels from dawn to dusk until your eyes are ready to come out of their sockets and your brain screams for aspirin.

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# 2 – Teddy bear as presents, WHY?

Now this is something I still can’t make out, seriously! I mean, how can someone find these obnoxious, stuffed teddy-bears CUTE? How can you give them out as presents? How can someone even think about spending their hard-earned money (given the recession and all) on THEM? I’m sure there must be some ulterior motive behind it; a way to belittle someone, I bet.  I once got one on my birthday and I still regret I invited that person over; would have got a rather “useful” gift from my maasi even.

Hey at least it LOOKS good!

I might sound weird but I still wonder what must have gone on in the tiny freaking head of the one who dared give me a Teddy-Damn-Bear that day. Must have thought I’m someone with serious mental issues, uh… retard, may I say! *eyes rolling* Someone who is too dumb to handle gifts with practical usage, no? There’s No other way a sane mind can think of a gift like this.

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# 1 – Considered jobless despite doing an online job, WHY?

No, I’m not from some remote district where people hardly know about being in the technically advanced era and similar shit, we hear the civilized one’s blabbering 24/7. But even then, every time I tell someone I’m doing an online job (when asked about what I’m doing after completing my studies), the next question thrown my way (since a reply like this one takes a little time to settle down in the deep oceans of someone’s brain) is: “tou beta naukri kerne k barey mein nahi socha aap ney, sara din buss ghar mein??

Aur wo bhi sleeveless mein?? Tauba tauba!!

Waisay sahi hai larkiyon ney kerna tou buss handi roti he hai” Goddammit! Save the sympathy for someone else. Didn’t you hear me? Do I have to tell you I’m earning as much (if not more) as your silly, “Smartass” with an American accent is making? Had he not been my father’s age, I would have knocked that senseless brute down! (Gosh! I’ve got that violent streak in me, a few more years here and I’d turn into a…I don’t want to say it! *shudders*) The stereotypical, patriarchal society! Phew!! Get an ambulance somebody, got to get my BP checked.   

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 This article was contributed by Kanwal Rubab Cheema. You can wrote what she had to say about Gujranwala in an earlier post, here.

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Categories: The World I Know

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2 Comments on “5 universal problems we all have”

  1. Alliya Iftikhar
    March 13, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    hehe. great piece!

  2. Anum Khan
    March 11, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    hahahahaha!…ingenious, hilarious and keenly perceptive of our common dilemmas:P:P…kudos for this wonderful piece Kanwal!!..n i’m still wondering..who was it that actually gave u a teddy bear!!!:P:P

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