Top 12 Facebook status updates after the Pak-India Asia Cup match

Now that the Asia Cup is back where it rightfully belongs, withstanding a stupendous fightback from the Bengali Tigers who transformed into kindergarten crybabies ala their ‘miss miss the paki bowler pushed me! That gives me 5 extra runs! Hence WE win the cup’ whining the very next day. Kudos to their crickemathics prowess, but im afraid that’s not how it rolls boys.

Speaking of which, after a decade of ball-biting, horrendous no-ball throwing , carrying truckloads of dough in every known currency this side of the milky way and then saying ‘but that was for my sister’s marriage preparation!’ and generally doing every imaginable thing that has become synonymous with ‘the boyses’, it is time to bleed green again.

If you’re a hopeless romantic like me, (read too gone to care about hiding my age, the situation calls for squeezing that monstrosity of a tummy into your tattered and jalaibee stained ’92 world cup shirt). However, if you cannot comprehend that once one day cricket also used to be played in tighty whities, perhaps you could wear the newer darker version that our own ‘mardan ki galliyon ka Pathan’ made unforgettable.

This is not a picture of that… just thought I’d point it out.

Who does’nt want to be the magnanimous victor? And bestow praise on the vanquished foe? But lets be honest, if every house had a swear jar on the day Pakistan lost to India, our debt problems would have been a thing of the past. Heck! We might even have given the World Bank a run for its money (pun intended).

I love facebook. Who does’nt? Oh right, that guy who got swindled out of his share of the moolah by Zuckerberg in that cool movie, anyway, I digress. The great or worst thing about the social networking sites is that now one can stay connected with the world and bestow their personal pearls of wisdom, whether you want to or not, screw you world! Privacy be damned! And nowhere was this phenomenon more prominent than on the day Pakistan played India.

So without further ado, here is my list of the top twelve facebook status updates as people went through the whole spectrum of emotions ranging from feigned indifference, to gloating bliss, to magnanimity, to spine-tingling premonition, to what-the-fuck-is-happening, to conspiracy theory to nirvana…



Great innings by the prick Kohli no doubt but Misbah has to be one of the most un-imaginative, passive and least proactive captain Pakistan has ever had! Atleast try and take SOME damn initiative in 50 OVERS!

Try hard as we might, we just cannot hide our ‘lurve’ for India’s newest batting maestro. Please note the other latest fix for all our problems; blame Misbah. This syndrome keeps cropping up at will. And I must admit, Tuk Tuk, I mean Misbah is’nt doing much to rectify this malaise. Anyway, we’re not here to judge.

So stop throwing a tantrum you big baby.


India won by playing better cricket.Green shirts played well.probably one of those days when eveything goes wrong 

Bravo Dalai Lama. In your next life as a beetle, may we suggest a more tropical clime perhaps? But whatever you do, stay clear of the bug called cricket. That fucker will eat you up, one way or the other.


Ye match tumhe hi naseeb ho india walon… humari aj light nahi gae, humare liye yahi khushi boht hai. . . . . 😉 😀

This guy’s got it all figured. He is one of those ‘mastercard’ fellas who enjoys the finer things in life. Hey who needs to boil one’s blood pressure to fatal levels over a stupid game, right? Great, we’re convinced, now quietly sneak out of the room and down the stairs to your basement. Pick up that bat, and beat the shit out of the Virat Kohli piñata. A couple of hearty whacks, coupled with your choicest obscenities and you’re ready to go back up; a picture of tranquility and peacefulness.


Latest from Wikileaks.. BCCI paid PCB $60m to keep Misbah as the captain of Pak cricket team for Asia Cup.. :p

The collective Paki hive mind shall never forget.

Step aside Julian Assange, theres a new whistle blower in town. And he blows the lid off of everything and anything. The only catch is that all his inside scoops deal with the Paki boys losing matches that they should normally win. But hey, to each his own, we’re not judging. And anyway, it makes much more sense than the stupid theory of the other guys playing better.


So the myth is further verified… india only wins when sachin tendulkar doesnt score a century….therefore the best way to win against India is to allow tendulkar to score a century!!! :/

Over the course of years, there have been countless sages who have been able to decipher the puzzle wrapped inside a mystery that is life. What a blessing that the next great Guru resides in the land of the pure and gets his relevations sitting infront of PTV Sports? This is as good as it gets. Wait a minute Guru, there’s more? So this is why Sachin has all these centuries? So that other countries can win matches against India? Wow Guru? What brand of Niswar have you been stuffing? Put me down for a year’s supply.


..actually Misbah did not get chance to play his tuk tuk today. so, he decided to take his revenge in this manner.

And here we have the ‘when all else fails, blame Misbah syndrome’ cropping up again. This guy has clearly pulled out the last strand of his hair. He is now in that blissful state of whatthefuck-isness that only the very select few can hope to achieve. The prize for this state you ask? Why nirvana ofcourse! Do anything save kicking him in the nuts, and all you’ll get in response is a beatific smile and an intellectual reason that will most probably simple sail over your ignorant head.


My Indian frnz.. Congrats nd well played.. Plz dun contact me for d next few dayz.. !!

I’ma let ju speak ina bit but foist…

This person is one more lost match away from a killing spree. But the good news is that he is trying to deal with his problem. He could do with an invitation from ‘Rage-aholics anonymous’ membership. If you live anywhere near this Desi Hulk, I’d suggest steering the conversation well clear of anything Indian. If I were you, this probably is not the best time to show him your latest Hrithik impersonation, unless you want a bat stuck where no willow should ever billow. Oh wow, im a poet, I just didn’t know it.


Message to pak team : DONT BALL SHORT…. Btw pepsi 65 ki ho gai hai.

This guy has had one pepsi too many and the resultant gas build-up has gone to his head. The match no longer matters. For all this guy cares, its time to crack jokes as a defense mechanism to make up for the empty and hollow feeling that comes with a loss. This guy needs a hug, desperately. But watch out for that pesi induced burps!


Kohli nai pakistan ki kholi.

Suffice to say everyone can reach the same joke here without us pointing it out.

You gotta love this guy. Doesn’t he paint quite a picture? I wouldn’t be surprised if after reading this your mind wanders.

Hey, theres no shame man, happens to the best of us. Especially when you’ve got Hemingway explaining everything so succinctly.


I am glad I didnt waste the entire day watching this match :p

This is the glass is half full type. It’s all about damage control and limiting your losses now. Gotta have a positive balance at the end of the day, or that pen could very well turn into a knife. Steady….steady…breath…go to your happy place.


First things first. We are through to the final 🙂 maza awami, kha badami. 

This one is bottling up his rage and frustrations for a later stage. For now he is trying to think of life as a cheap and sweet ice cream. Way to go buddy, lick that ice cream before it melts. Serenity now..insanity later!

Top of Form

And the number one status is…..*drum roll*


As much as this game feels like its crawled up my ass and exploded.. I enjoyed watching the Indian and Pakistani batsmen today.

We refuse to accept anything else happened.

Hmmm..ok, try hard as I might, I cannot pretend to ignore it. This guy makes me realize there are bigger and better things in life than cricket. For example, not going near anything that has the tendency to crawl up your hind parts and then go KABOOM! But on a brighter note, you gotta hand to this cricket afficiando, after such a horrifically graphic ass-plosion, he still has presence of mind to appreciate a good game of cricket. Take a bow, with whatever is left of your ass.


Honourable Mentions:

Turning out to be a really good warm up before The final for The World’s Greatest Team™


bijli gone. Am sure akmal brothers are behind this too!

Oh bhens! Itnay saaray runs!



Categories: Sports & Fitness

Author:Mohammad Ali Bandial

Mohammad Ali Bandial is the best kept secret in the universe, because he has been living under a rock so far and just recently learned how to use the net.His mission is to monitor extra stupid activities on earth. He may not be your last, best and only line of defence, but wherever theres stupidity at play, he's there. He exists only in shadows, because of the loadshedding, and dresses only in black because he's color blind.To find out more, check out


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3 Comments on “Top 12 Facebook status updates after the Pak-India Asia Cup match”

  1. April 5, 2012 at 1:37 am #

    Reblogged this on montybandial and commented:
    My article for Bigpen…Hope you guys enjoy

  2. Alliya Iftikhar
    April 2, 2012 at 11:53 am #


  3. April 1, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    LOVED it:D

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